Beyond the Attendance Record: The Impact of Not Always Showing Up

I am very, very good at showing up. I could lead a MasterClass on the subject. During my high school years, I was among the select few who received an award for perfect attendance. For 13 consecutive years, from kindergarten to my senior year, I never missed a single day of school. I’m truly a pro. I’ll pause for your applause. 

I've always believed in the significance of showing up. However, I'm now discovering that, paradoxically, there's immense power in not showing up

Take a day in high school, for instance. I woke up with the worst neck cramp ever. Should I have stayed home? Absolutely. But I was determined to maintain my perfect attendance record. After arriving at school, I collected my first-ever pink slip at the office and made my way to class. My teacher gave me a look that said, "Kid, for heaven's sake, stay home!". 

While I've always held steadfast to the belief in showing up, my work as a minister serving in a local church presented a dilemma. My role required that I be present every weekend. For the first decade of my service, I adhered to a norm of pastor’s only taking off four Sundays a year. But over time, internal conflict began to creep in. My unwavering commitment to showing up in one place meant that I wasn't showing up in others.

This realization hit home for me recently. For over a decade, my maternal family has gathered for a weekend in September for a reunion. While I showed up dutifully in one area of my life, I was absent from these family get-togethers. I'm not looking for reassurance when I say that it's okay; I understand it is. Even so, I missed out on many of the last precious years of my grandparents' lives. Last year, I took my young daughters to the reunion, which would be my grandmother’s final gathering. I will never regret the day they missed school to show up with her.

After many years I'm beginning to realize that occasionally choosing not to show up may be exactly what we all need.

In a world that often applauds unrelenting dedication and perpetual presence, we have to recognize that sometimes, the power of not showing up can be equally important. Balancing our commitments and priorities is a deeply personal journey, and knowing when to step back can lead to a more meaningful and fulfilling life. May we continue to celebrate showing up when it truly matters, while also treasuring those moments when opting not to show up becomes an act of self-care and an opportunity to connect more deeply in all areas of our lives.